Prayers of Selfishness

In one breath, I pleaded with God for worldly gains, while in the next, I surrendered my aspirations to His divine will. Unbeknownst to myself, I found myself torn between serving God and pursuing earthly riches simultaneously. I not only attempted this balancing act, but audaciously implored God to expedite the process!

Isn’t it interesting how we humans can be? The struggle for supremacy in my heart was glaringly apparent. The allure of the world and its possessions dazzled me, prompting me to grasp onto them while seeking solace in God. It was akin to a bride torn between her husband and another suitor, seeking to have both at once.

This inner conflict gave rise to prayers driven by selfishness, even manipulation. I deluded myself into thinking that if I prayed fervently enough, God would bend His will to accommodate my distorted desires. Mammon held such sway over me that I believed I could coerce God into compliance. How absurd!

Looking back, I realize that God likely shook His head in bemusement, patiently awaiting my awakening. I’m thankful that He didn’t grant my fervent requests for worldly possessions, as they would have led to my downfall. I was convinced that my happiness hinged on material wealth. The battle for my heart raged on, with my longing for God intertwined with my yearning for earthly treasures, blinding me to the truth.

I convinced myself that these desires were essential, bolstering my arguments with scripture and convincing myself that obtaining them would draw me closer to God. My thoughts and desires became tangled and confused, like a garden overrun with weeds among the flowers, necessitating a complete upheaval and replanting.

Gold and materialism were so tightly interwoven that only the intense heat of the furnace could effectively separate the gold from the dross. Little did I anticipate what would transpire six years later. In the interim, the furnace of refinement had already been ignited, its flames kindling the refiner’s fire. The bewildered youth would undergo a transformation, his very being refined by the scorching flames, purging away the influence of Mammon.

I find solace in thanking the Lord for these refining fires – those tests and trials – that He orchestrates in my life. Through them, He diligently purges the worldly contaminants from my soul. I am grateful that He does not abandon me to my own devices. Another manifestation of this refining process is the desert – a place where God leads His sons and daughters to sever ties with Mammon. Though harsh and arduous, the desert is but a temporary trial.

If you find yourself engulfed by the flames of refinement or traversing the barren desert, I offer this encouragement: do not lose heart. The Lord may be refining you for a divine purpose, meticulously separating the valuable from the worthless. Stay resolute, for the promised land lies ahead. The journey to liberation from Mammon is neither easy nor pleasant, yet its rewards are immeasurable, bringing forth true freedom.

Blessings

Wilco Naumann